With the divorce rate hovering around 43% in America, it is likely that as a single woman you will meet a man who is recently divorced with a child. Your likelihood of meeting a man with children increases as you get older. Therefore, chances are, one day, you will have to ask yourself, “should I date a man with children?” That’s if you haven’t already done so.
Dating a man with children has the potential to be a good or bad experience, for both parties. This is especially true for professional women who has concentrated on their careers and does not have children of her own; many hard-working, career-oriented women may not even want children in the near future. So here are some things Cupid suggests considering before dating a man with children:
1. Can you deal with not being the first priority in your man’s life? Most parents, especially those who are single, put their children before everything else. So can you deal with coming second to a child, or even third to a child and a career?
2. Are you flexible? Parents often have chaotic schedules. Last minute sickness, school conferences and activities often occur with little to no notice. Is this something you want to deal with?
3. Do you have the patience to deal with multiple personalities? When dating a man with a child, at some point in time you will have to deal with the personalities of their child and their child’s mother. So not only will you have to get along with your new acquired boy toy, you will also have to get along with their child and be able to remain cordial with the child’s mother. Is this something you’re willing to do?
4. What do you really want? If you are not looking for a serious relationship or simply do not like children, there is no need to become involved with his child. Be upfront and just date the man.
If you’ve answered no to any of these questions, please think carefully about your decision to date a man with children. Entering into a relationship that is not right from the beginning can hurt all parties involved - not just you.
However, if you are already involved in a relationship with a man who has children and is experiencing baby momma drama, or you simply find yourself unhappy with the relationship, here are some things to consider which may alleviate the situation:
1. Be empathic with the other woman. She is only human. Maybe she has real concerns and issues. Give your man a woman’s perspective so maybe he can communicate better with her. Help him get along with her because, let’s face it, she is not going anywhere.
2. Talk with your man about the situation and how it is making you feel. Empower him to be proactive about the situation instead of being catty. Help him cool things down.
3. Do not argue with her. Go through your man to communicate with her. You do not want to become part of the problem, but rather be a part of the solution. If she does something you do not appreciate, talk with your man. Tell him about it and how it made you feel. This way he can address the issue with her. Communication is key in these types of situations. More importantly, having clear roles and responsibilities between the two of you will be imperative for not making the situation worse.
4. If all else fells and you are feeling overwhelmed and unhappy. Examine your priorities and values. If things get too stressful and your health as well as happiness is suffering, this may not be the relationship for you. Your relationship cannot be at its best if you are not at your best.
Now, if you find yourself with a father who does not take care of his children and is not involved in their lives, then there is no need to consider any of this. If he is not a good man to his children, he will never be a good man to you. If his lack of parental involvement is the reason for your baby-momma drama—run!
If you are finding that you are having trouble understanding yourself and what you want out of a relationship, contact Cupid’s Planner. We can provide you with professional and confidential support for your relationship issues. Also do not forget to like us on Facebook and to follow us on Twitter.
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