TOXIC MOTHER-IN-LAWS

Question: How do I handle my difficult mother in law?

Answer:

As the saying goes you not only marry your spouse but you also marry his family.  Now it is important, to remember that your mother-in-law (MIL) was the first woman in your husband’s life.  So how he interacts with his mother, is a good indicator of how he will treat his wife.  Therefore, it is not always a bad thing when your husband has a close relationship with his mother.

I know many women who are married.  All of them have different relationships with their MIL.  Some women hangout with their MIL, go shopping, out to eat and etc.  Other women hate their MIL and can barely talk with them.  So it is important for you to determine, what type of relationship you want with your MIL and what relationship is possible.  There is no right or wrong answer.  It is what works best for you.

Now, if you are unable to have a healthy and satisfying relationship with your MIL you must determine how you can maintain peace with her.  The first thing to do is to make sure your bond with your husband is strong.  You and your husband must know where each other’s loyalties lie.  You two should be a team and no one should be able to come in between the two of you.  It will be nearly impossible to handle a toxic MIL if you and your husband are not on the same page.  If you are finding that you are having a difficult time communicating with your husband, email Cupid’s Planner.

Second you must understand what is causing the rift between you and your MIL.  Is it because she is always in your business? Is it because of how she treats your children? Is it because she does not respect you?  If you find that your MIL is always in your business then stop telling her your business.  Ask your husband not to tell her your business, as well.  Again you and your husband should be on the same team.

If you are angry by the way she treats your children? Remember that grandparents have special parenting privileges.  As a child my grandfather let us run and yell throughout the house, like a bunch of monkeys.  My siblings and cousins knew it was not something we could do at our own home but at granddaddy’s house we were free to roam.  Our parents could not change that.  All grandparents spoil their grandchildren.  In the end, acting like monkeys on the weekend at my grandfather’s house did not harm me in anyway but instead gave me awesome memories.  Of course I am not saying your MIL should disregard your parenting style, but let go of the small things.  Remember how it was with your grandparents.

Does your MIL disrespect you? If so, you need to address it directly and immediately.  It is important that early on in your relationship that you set your boundaries with your MIL.   You need to tell her that you do not appreciate the way she is talking with you. Do not throw slurs or be catty.  Be direct and specific about what you are finding disrespectful.  Practice what you are going to say before it happens.  Know exactly what your comes-backs are going to be.

It is important to understand that you may never get along with your MIL and you cannot change her.  However, because she is not going anywhere, you should learn how to be cordial.  Do not make your husband pick between the two of you because this could make him resent you.  If you need help with your relationship problems contact Cupid’s Planner and do not forget to like us on Facebook