I went to the bar this weekend to celebrate my friend’s birthday. It was a nice evening. I took it as a plus, when I got introduced to a nice looking man, who could hold a decent conversation. After conversing I found out that he was going to school to become a lawyer, had his own car and his own place; plus he did not have any children. So while I normally do not consider a bar a proper place to find a suitable man to date, I started to think I might have lucked-up.
Until, he started asking fifty questions. They were coming left and right. “What do you do?” “How long have you worked there?” “Why you break up with your last boyfriend?” “What type of relationship are you looking for?” He asked me everything except for when did I lose my virginity.
I answered several of his questions. Then his questions started to get too deep for introductory purposes and a bar conversation. I finally told him “I really do not like to be interrogated. I prefer to get to know a person through general conversation.” “Oh, I guess that is the lawyer in me.” “O, well, we are not in a court room and I am not on stand here” “Dam, it is **** to show interest in someone.” His reply made me feel guilty. I started to think that I was being defensive. So I took a step back and tried to enjoy his company. Nevertheless, the questions kept coming. Bam Bam Bam. I was getting increasingly annoyed. I ultimately had to excuse myself before I exploded.
So this brings me to the question, when does interest become too much interest?
Research shows that a woman can tell if a man is interested in her by:
1. How long he stares at her. The longer the eye contact the more interested
2. How he positions his body towards her. If he is interested he will face her
3. How well he listens to her. Meaning, he spends less time talking about himself and more time listening. A woman can really tell if a man is interested, if the man remembers something she told him prior and applies it to something she is telling him at that moment
4. He mirrors her behavior. If she leans in to hear him, and if he is interested, he will lean in too
5. He tries to relate to you
These are all ways a man can show interest in you. Men are less verbal than women. Pay attention to his body language and behaviors. This will be the biggest indicator if he is interested in you.
So I thought to myself. He was sending me all the right signals. However, it was too much for me. So much so, it became a turn-off. So what is the difference between genuine interest and creepy or annoying interest? I honestly do not know. There is no threshold for what is genuine and what is annoying or creepy. Instead, I think it depends on your interest in him. If you are interested in him the long stares, the fifty questions, and the over relating will not borther you. So if it does not feel natural and good from the beginning, do not force it. Go with your gut reaction. Someone else will come along who knows how to show just the right interest to spark your interest.
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