Jungle Fever

Question: My son dates nothing but non-black girls.  He never brings home a black girl.  He actually told me that he does not like black women and probably would never date a black woman.  He thinks all black women are ghetto. What is his problem? I am a black woman and I am not ghetto.

I have done extensive research on interracial dating.  What I have found is that there are two types of thinking, which influence how people date.  The first group see race as the determining factor for how they can relate to others.  The second determine if they can relate to people based upon hobbies and interest.

In fact, several of my male correspondents, specifically the ones I know date interracially, revealed how love has no color or race.  They date women they are most happy and comfortable with.  One even mentioned how he felt black women did not find him attractive, which is why he only dates girls from other cultures.

However, this does not seem to be the case with your son.  It seems he uses the first school of thought, which is using race to determine his relatability to women.  It appears that he has negatively stereotyped all black women and uses this stereotype to avoid dating these women.  The problem is he will never know what he has in common with black women if he does not engage them.

It sounds like he has self-esteem issues around his own ethnicity.  I suggest for you to discuss this with him.  He cannot truly love someone else until he learns to love himself.  Most importantly, he cannot group all black women as “ghetto” if he only knows women from his small town.  He needs to get out and see that there are all types of black women.

Nevertheless, there is nothing you can do about who your son dates.  Do not push him into dating someone you think is right for him.  Instead let him decide because you do not want to push him away.  However, if you just cannot let it go take your son out to visit different areas.  This way he can see that black people can live in many different manners.  You can challenge your son but it is most important that you support him.

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