One of my friends called me the other day and complained of being bored in her relationship. She felt ungrateful because he was a nice guy and he treated her well, “Better than my last boyfriend”; he took her out on dates and vacations and he got along well with her family but she was bored. “There is no chemistry”. We went on to discuss the difference between love and lust; however, her frustration taps upon a deeper issue, which is just because he is nice does not mean he is Mr. Right.
The key phrase, which needs to be paid close attention to, is “He treats me better than my last boyfriend”. Well that is not hard since her last boyfriend was a jerk. He was a cheater, liar, lazy, and a selfish man. This is not to throw her under the bus, by any means, because many of us have dated men who were one, if not a combination, of all these traits. Therefore, sweeping you off your feet is not too difficult, for the remotely nice guy, when you are use to someone treating you less than subpar. The problem is if this new nice guy is what you want? Yes, he can be respectful, generous, and loving; however, if these are not the qualities you are looking for in a man then you will not feel the chemistry.
This is why it is important to have your own standards. Of course we all want someone who respects, loves, and treats us well. However, that is basic for any relationship. One is not lucky to find these basic traits in their new love interest because this is the least that anyone deserves. It is the “I am fortunate that I finally found someone who treats me nice” attitude which limits, us, women and often times contribute to us settling for the basics because we are too afraid to ask for what we really want. Fear can ultimately hinder us from feeling the chemistry necessary to keep the spark alive in a relationship. You have to be brave enough to ask for what you want and accept what you deserve, to open the doors of chemistry.
This points to not only the importance but also the necessity of taking time in between relationships. It is this time in between relationships when we can really focus on ourselves. This is the time where you can reflect and mature from your last relationship. More importantly, this is the time you can take to determine what you really want in a man. There is no set period of time that one should take in between relationships because the healing and growing process is different for everyone. However, you should not enter into a new relationship if you cannot stop comparing it to your last. When entering into a new relationship you should be determining if this is the type of person you want to be with and not is this, a step up from the last person you dated. Relationships are difficult. However, knowing yourself, having standards and values about what you want out of a relationship makes them much easier and more likely to succeed.
If you need help understanding your dating history and how it affects your current relationships contactCupid’s Planner. We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women. Also do not forget to like us on Facebook.