I recently was asked the question, “Why do men cheat?” This seems to be a very common question from my clients. While I can guess all the different reasons men cheat, I cannot truly answer this question. I never have been a cheating man and never will be. So I took it to the streets and I asked my male correspondents. Many of them were (or still are) cheaters. I got a mixture of answers but found several common themes:
1. “I cheated because I could. I knew my girl was not going to leave me and there are just so many women”. This points to two things, one he knew that he could disrespect his woman and second, the odds are against women in most cities. For instance, in the local DC metro area there are 112 women to every 100 men (http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-06-03/-intellectual-meat-market-makes-washington-long-odds-for-women.html). Men just have a bigger pool to pick from when it comes to dating.
2. “I wasn’t getting my needs met. She was always tired, so I went somewhere else.” Many of the men talked about the lack of or the non-existence of sex in their relationships, which largely contributed to their cheating.
3. “All she does is nag.” While not meeting their sexual needs were one of the reasons men cheated; many of the men also talked about how nagging and the lack of communication caused them to start looking elsewhere. One man described his relationship as a prison; all the nice things they did with each other stopped and their relationship got stale.
Those were the top three reasons men said they cheated. However, at the end it really does not matter what were their motivations for cheating. As all the men agreed there are many reasons men cheat and they do so because they want to. Therefore, a woman can be “perfect” (and I use this word lightly because there is no such thing as perfect) and your boyfriend/husband will still cheat if this is something he wants to do.
Overall, it is suggested to keep open and honest communication with your boyfriend/husband, not only about his needs but yours too. Keep thing spicy. It is hard for many women to even think of sex after a long day of work and taking care of children; however, research shows relationships with a healthy sexual relationship last longer and report being happier. So you will have to find a balance, if sex is a problem area for you.
However, the most important thing to remember is to love yourself and treat yourself with respect and your boyfriend/husband will follow your lead. My male correspondents were brutally honest about infidelity. They stated they cheated because it was a habit they were able to get away with so many times. This points to the necessity of standards in a relationship. Men like and respect a woman with standards. Most men agree that once their girlfriend/wife got standards, a non-tolerance attitude toward cheating, that they stopped cheating or they lost a good woman.