The Integrity of Infidelity

What You Don’t Know, Won’t Hurt You:

This past week I participated in an article, which discussed infidelity.  It examined infidelity from the perspective of women from different marital statuses.  I had the pleasure of sharing my experience as a recently single woman.  In the process of writing this I realized in just about all of my relationships I either have been cheated on and/or I have cheated.  “Crazy”.  It is crazy that I will be able to recognize a healthy relationship from being in so many unhealthy relationships.  Now, do not get me wrong, I have dated many good men.  However, I did not give those men too much of my time, because I was too busy playing love like it was a game. (At least I thought so)  In my escapades of cheating, I only got caught once.  However, I had no remorse for my bad behavior.  I figured I was not doing anything wrong because at the end of the day, “What you do not know, won’t hurt you and where there is no harm, there is no foul”.  Looking back at this philosophy I have to ask myself, is this true?  Is it okay to cheat on someone as long as they do not know?

My answer to this now is “No”.  That philosophy is an easy way out.  In fact it is a coward’s way out of a difficult situation.  One can say this philosophy is okay because it saves the other person from heartache and pain.  However, what about one’s own integrity?  This philosophy, especially if you never get caught, only reinforces your behavior of betrayal.  It does not give the other person an opportunity to react.  It takes all the power away from the person who the betrayal is being done to.

 Others may say “Why say anything when there was no harm being done”.  These people believe that you will only bring harm to the other person by telling them the truth.  That is an interesting point; however, how can another person determine what is hurtful for someone else?  They can’t!  Everyone works from their own background and experiences.  Everyone has a different threshold and tolerance for what they consider painful.  This is an important point.  Just think about it.  Have you ever talked about the past with someone and you both remember the same event differently? More importantly, you both have two totally different sentiments about the situation?  This is a frequent occurrence which is why one victim of childhood abuse can go on to live a healthy comfortable life and another suffer from depression for his or her entire life.  No on else can determine how someone else should feel about their experiences.  With the “no harm, no foul” theory, a person is acting as the judge and the jury. 

Overall, the childhood saying “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” is true.  Most importantly, even if you do not mind being lied to remember it is easier to break someone trust than gain it.  Although, you are not exactly lying not mentioning the infidelity only provides the illusion that everything is okay; which is more difficult to repair.  Admitting to infidelity can be difficult; nevertheless, it can be more difficult to live with a guilty conscious.  If a guilty conscious does not trouble you, then keep your secret to yourself but remember if the other person finds out there may be no turning back.

If you need help understanding your dating history and how it affects your current relationship contact Cupid’s Planner. We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.  Also do not forget to follow us on Twitter


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