All the Right Equipment but No Moves Behind It: How to work with a man with a big penis but no skills

I am a firm believer that no sex is better than bad sex.  Some might say I am crazy, but bad sex makes me feel like I have wasted my time.  Bad sex makes me remember and increases my desire for good sex.  Bad sex makes me start to rethink the entire relationship.

There is bad sex and there is the worst sex.  The worst type of sex is when a man believes he is laying the pipe down, because he has a big penis.  While in reality, he might have a big penis but he does not have the skills.  So you have been faking it, just so he can get off of you.  Now, this is the type of sex, which makes me want to wash my hands and throw in the towel.  It is the type of sex where I might just hurt his feelings with my honesty.

This is the type of sex where communicating to your significant other your sexual needs can be difficult because there is an ego involved.  He has a big ego because he thinks he has a big penis.  However, he is missing an important part of the equation - the skill.  Regardless of the size of the penis, if he is not working it right, it just will not feel right.

So what do you do?  Well it depends.  It depends on how important sex is to you and your ability to effectively communicate with your partner.  Sometimes the effort required to communicate your needs outweigh your desire to be with the person.  If this is the case, then end the relationship.  There is no need to put in tons of effort into a relationship you do not see working for the long-term. 

However, if this is a relationship that you want to build then this is something you are going to have to work on, without bruising your man’s ego.  The objective here is not to hurt his feelings but to get your needs met.  My opinion is if he is getting his, you should be getting yours too.  Remember good sex requires a mutual exchange; so you also want to make sure you are pleasing him.

The first thing one should do to improve their sexual relationship with their man is improve their relationship outside of the bedroom.  Communicate with your partner about your hobbies, likes, dislikes, your dreams and aspirations.  More importantly, listen to your partner.  Communication is an active process.  It requires you to listen, process what you have heard and to verbalize your thoughts about what you have heard.

The second thing you can do to get your partner to perform better in the bed is to give positive reinforcement.  If he is doing something you like, moan, groan, grind, or simply tell him you like it.  If you are not enjoying it, don’t fake it.  How will he know you are not having an orgasm if you keep faking it?  He cannot read your mind.  

You could also watch porn together and while watching it say, “I would like to do that.  That looks fun. Do you want to try it?”  This is providing him an example of the moves that will please you.

The worst sex is not the end of the world but it could be the end of your sex life.  It is not a matter of his equipment but a matter of skill and just like any skill, practice makes perfect.  I understand the frustration behind having a man who has all the right equipment but no skill.  However, I believe this to be an opportunity to take your relationship to the next level and for you to take your partner to school. 

If you need help understanding your intimacy challenges contact Cupid’s Planner; we specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.  If you have a question you would like featured in our next blog contact us.  Also do not forget to like us on Facebook and to follow us on Twitter.

 

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