Alayna Cramer shares her story of how she balances dating in modern society with her Christian values. Thank you Alayna for sharing your story.
When I decided to go to Bible College, I was a little taken aback from the response I received from my church family. Pretty much, when any Christian girl from my church decided to go to Bible college, everyone automatically thought she was going for her MRS degree and yes, that means "Mrs." Everyone thought that finding a husband was the only reason I wanted to go to Bible College. While this may be true for many girls, I decided to take a different route. I honestly wanted to go to Bible College to earn an education. Sure, I want to get married, but that was not my sole purpose for attending a Bible College.
In high school, no guys were ever interested in my best friend and me. We would joke about being single for the rest of our lives. Although, we joked about it, I often worried about my single girl status. I know I worry too much and I get stressed out far too often, but the thoughts of being a spinster for the rest of my life really started to consume me after a while. It became the only thing I could ever think about. It started to take over my life. I like to plan ahead, but this was getting a little out of control.
It wasn't until about six months before I went to college that I finally decided to give it all to God. I should have never let those thoughts take control of my life, but in my pride and stubbornness, I neglected the One I needed most. I told God that I would do whatever He wanted me to do even if it meant I would never get married. Once I got that settled, I started getting excited for school and where God would lead me. My new catch phrase (which I didn't come up with by myself) was "I'm an independent woman who don't need no man" and I finally started to believe it.
People usually don’t come to me for relationship advice, but when they did I usually told them my own convictions on dating that I have included in the following list.
1. I will date someone of the same religion and with similar values and convictions. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers..." If I date someone who isn't a Christian, I may end up marrying him; therefore disobeying God's Word and potentially harming my future. It’s very unlikely that I will be able to date someone who is an unbeliever and lead him to Christ. Instead he may influence me and change my perspective on Christianity.
2. I will not have premarital sex. I believe God designed sex for husband and wife, only, in the boundaries of marriage. Too often, young people contract STDs, have children out of wedlock, and ruin relationships all for a few moments of pleasure. I have personally taken a vow to remain pure for my future husband and I believe that it's going to affect my life for the better.
3. I will date for the purpose of marriage. This one might sound very strange to you, but first let me explain myself. When teens and young people date solely for recreation, there is no purpose. I learned these two things from my youth pastor's wife: 1) "You should date to find a mate" and 2) "Dating and breaking up is practice for divorce." That may seem a little harsh, but ultimately it's true. Teen couples tend to be consumed with the idea of having a girlfriend/boyfriend. Spending way too much time and attention being the "perfect couple" and doing things that only married people should do. They totally lose focus on trying to become a better person for when the right one finally comes along.
This isn't the whole list, but these are a few general key ideas I try to keep in mind when dating. I would encourage you, if you are still single, to come up with your own list of convictions and guidelines for your dating life. I know it will make things a little easier. Be specific.
To resist temptation, I suggest never being in the house alone with a guy or always going out with a group of friends. Also, be accountable to someone else. Show your list to your friends. If they see that you are serious about not making mistakes they will encourage you to make good decisions. They can also point out early warning signs to you when you are too blinded by "love." to see them. Listen to your friends and family. They want the best for you!
Also, if you're single and it seems as though no one is taking any interest in you, don't be discouraged like I was. I could have saved myself so much heartache if I had just stopped worrying. Don't feel like you need to rush into anything when the first guy comes along either. What you need to do is focus on becoming a better person and let the right person find you. And always trust God. He already knows how everything is going to turn out. Just follow His lead and He will show you where you need to go.
If you need help understanding your dating dilemmas contact Cupid's Planner. We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.
Alayna Cramer is a 19 year-old college student studying Church Ministries at West Coast Baptist College. She has many interests and she is sure you will see a little bit of everything that you like to do in just one of my posts. She wants to be an encouragement and an inspiration to everyone. You contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org and find her on alaynamarley.wordpress.com.