When Does Jealousy Equal Insecurity?

“Who are you talking too?”

“Where have you been?”

“Where are you going?”

“Who is that?”

“Why you did not answer your phone?”

“What took you so long to respond to my text?”

These may seem like harmless questions at first glance, but these are also questions that your partner asks when they are trying to get the 411 on your whereabouts.  In relationships we all want to feel like we are an important part of our spouses’ lives; however, when does these questions become intrusive and not just everyday check-in questions?

When do check-in questions become intrusive?  What are the boundaries between knowing what your spouse does and just believing what he says?  Being informed can be a protective factor for relationships; it allows you to have accountability.  Jealously can also be a protective factor for relationships.  In a primitive sense it allows you to stake your territory. 

However, large dosages of jealousy and an overwhelming need for accountability can cause static in relationships.  Thus, causing the relationship to grow stagnant and begin to spiral out of control with arguments.  When your relationship hits this plateau, I believe jealousy has crossed from the realm of healthy into unhealthy.  Jealousy has now become insecure.

Now this is not to say that your partner is not justified in their insecurities because one needs to feel safe in a relationship to overcome their vulnerabilities.  So if you are not being consistent, not communicating, and not being reliable, you will not foster a sense of security in your relationship.  People need these three things to feel secure in any type of relationship.

On the other hand, if you are being consistent, reliable and communicating with your partner and they still feel insecure, then more than likely this person has to overcome some personal issue.  People are affected by their prior relationships.  If people did not receive these things from prior relationships, it is difficult for them to grasp these concepts in new relationships.  They want you and your love but they do not know how to receive it.  Causing them to have tantrums.  Yes, people can get use to being in unhealthy relationships.  So much so that when they enter a healthy relationship they get confused, possibly feeling like this relationship is too good to be true. 

Regardless if your partner’s insecurities are justified or not, you need to decide how the both of you as a couple can work, together, to get to a healthy place.  You can only adjust your behavior.  So if your partner’s insecurities run deep, you can try to be reliable, communicate and consistent; however, there will come a point in time when that person needs to start working on themselves.

If you need help understanding your attachment style contact Cupid’s Planner, we specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.  Also do not forget to like us on Facebook and to follow us on Twitter.  We are also on Pintrest and Instagram now.