I recently read an article, which stated that women should not expect to cuddle with a man when they are just FWB. This man proclaimed that cuddling demonstrated a level of affection, which was too intimate for a FWB. He insisted that women should know their place, when a being FWB, and not expect to cuddle.
Now, I thought about this. Is cuddling too intimate for FWB? Does cuddling add an extra layer of affection? More importantly, why is it my job to manage my expectations and why is it not his responsibility to manage his emotions? This was the part that pissed me off!
My first response was cuddling is just part of the process of sex. If cuddling is too intimate for you, then you should not cuddle. Man up! Its not her responsibility to know cuddling is too much for you. Everyone takes on their own risk of developing feelings when entering in a FWB relationship. FWB is not for the wary at heart. This is not child’s play, this is grown folks’ business.
So lets lay out what FWB means: Friends with Benefits. I have been led to believe FWB is a friend, someone you enjoy spending time with and have sex with, but no hopes of a long-term commitment. It is important to point out that the main difference between a girlfriend/boyfriend and a FWB is the earlier is open to a long-term commitment. Both of these concepts use the word “friend”; so it is suggested that both relationships are between friends. Merriam’s dictionary defines friend as: “a person you like and enjoy spending time with.” Now, if this is true, then what is the issue with cuddling with a friend? Especially, if both people know where they stand in the relationship. A mature woman knows cuddling is not going to lead to a long-term relationship.
I do not believe that any woman is simple enough to believe cuddling will make her your wife. So my point to the male author is: know yourself and your vulnerabilities. If you cannot handle cuddling because you deem it as too intimate, then don’t. However, do not expect your FWB to know her place. If she can handle cuddling and still maintain being a FWB then she has achieved a level of emotional maturity that you have not. So what I say to you is: know thy self, before you try to check someone else.
Overall, this new age of FWB has reached a new level of ridiculousness. FWB requires a level of emotional maturity, or immaturity, as well as a heighten awareness of one’s emotions to effectively work. When the truth is most people are not consciously aware of their feelings and how those feelings affect their behavior. Therefore, making the FWB concept dangerous. Often causing the destruction of many relationships.
If a person hold the qualities to be your friend, then it is quite possible they possess qualities similar to the ones desired in a boyfriend/girlfriend. While, I am not trying to push any social conventions on you, there is something refreshing about the conventional idea of not having your entire relationship in a gray area. Therefore, I suggest that you take the time to determine what type of relationship you want and why; as well as, the qualities of a person you want in a relationship. You need to know yourself before dragging someone else into your indecisiveness and unconscious world.
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So What Do You Think?
* Is cuddling too much affection for FWB?
* Do you think the FWB concept can really work? If so, what does it take?
* Who responsibility is it to maintain boundaries in FWB?
If you want to read the male opinion about cuddling visit http://opinionatedmale.com/2014/03/13/if-you-wanna-cuddle-go-find-a-teddy-bear-why-jump-offs-forget-their-role/