How Do You Forgive when You been Hurt Bad?
It has happen to us all, someone has hurt us so deeply that we began to question our own ability to judge; we question our own self-worth and we begin to be filled with an intense fury. An outrage overcomes you and you loathe the existence of the person. Being scolded by a person’s actions or words, or therein lack of actions or words can be a painful experience.
Many people say that without forgiveness you cannot truly move past the situation, which hurt you. They will add that the forgiveness process is not for the doer but for the receiver to relieve the pain associated with the event. The act of forgiveness is so important that it is mentioned throughout most world religions and philosophies, to include: Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, Bahá'í Faith, and Hinduism. In fact, forgiveness is a major pillar in many of these faiths and philosophies.
I have even made forgiveness a pillar of my own self-love journey, because I recognize the importance of forgiving others as well as myself. However, I often struggle with what does true forgiveness look like in action. I will use the Christian concept of forgiveness because that is the one I am most familiar with. The Bible states that we should forgive others as God has forgiven us. Well, I am not going to even fake. I am so very thankful that I serve a forgiving God because I need a lot of forgiveness. Sometimes I am not the best person. Nevertheless, regardless of my pitfalls and mishaps in my character, God continues to communicate with me, love me and bless me. Wow, I am so thankful.
So while I know that I should forgive others as God has forgiven me, I struggle to put this in action with people, who have hurt me. It is difficult for me to continue to engage with someone, who I know can hurt me. After you hurt me once, I am not going to give you the opportunity to do it to me again. So while, I may forgive you, by not holding a grudge against you, I am not going to give you the opportunity to hurt me again - that would make me a fool. I will forgive you from a distance.
Forgiving from a distance is the best mode of forgiveness I can do at this point in my life. It allows me not to hold grudges but allows me to protect myself. I hope one day to forgive as God forgives me, but I have not figured out how to do so and still protect myself.