3 Conversations You Need to Have Before Commitment
Relationships are hard work. They require two committed people, and lots of forgiveness, appreciation, love and communication. Communication is the vessel to a successful and healthy relationship. It is only through communication that you can provide feedback to your spouse about the status of your feelings in the relationship.
Although, communication is a very important factor in relationships we often shy away from it. Shying away from certain topics because we are afraid of the consequences; of what will happen if the other person truly knew how we feel. Yes, communication opens us to being vulnerable. However, it is only through vulnerability that we and our relationship can strengthen. So here are three conversations every woman should have with their spouse:
1. What are your ideas About the role of women in the household?
This is a crucial question because society forces their beliefs and ideals on both women and men about what a wife, a mother, a girlfriend, a homemaker, and a working woman should be like.
So you have to ask the question to your boyfriend, especially before deciding to spend the rest of your life with them, what are their opinions of a woman’s role in the family, in house chores, finances and etc. You should know these things before settling down. If your husband is expecting you to cook, clean, raise the children and bring home the bacon and you only want to be a housewife than there is a problem.
This is a very important question not only for you to ask your boyfriend before settling down, but also ask yourself. You need to know what you are willing to accept as the woman of the house, so that you are not pushed into a role you are not comfortable with.
Money is often a cause of much conflict in relationships. So you need to talk with your spouse about their values surrounding money. Some people only feel comfortable if they have a nest egg in the bank. While others want flashy cars as well as clothes, and do not care about what they have in the bank.
Research has shown that financial difficulties and misunderstandings are the cause for many divorces. So this is a conversation that has to be made with your spouse. Again, it is important that you not only understand your spouse’s values on money, but yours also. Although, we all may like to have a rainy day fund, it does not mean that we actually save for a rainy day. So check yourself first. If you do a lot of retail therapy and do not save, be honest about it.
3. How do you forgive and how do you show love?
This is another important conversation. However, what is probably more important than talking about forgiveness and showing love is watching how your partner’s actions. Many people do not have the insight to truthful discuss this matter.
We are all entitled to mistakes, so it is important to understand how your partner forgives. You should know if your partner is the forgiving type, or the type to hold on to grudges to throw it back in your face. I once met a man, who was very patient and forgiving. I loved it. However, he was that way with everyone. So I had to learn his love language. After watching him and talking with him I realized his love language was touch. He touched me to show me love. So while overall he was generally a gentle person, he was especially gentle to me and that is how I knew I was special in his life.
This list is not a comprehensive list of all conversation to have before settling down. Other conversations you should have with your spouse before settling down includes: children, career goals, spirituality, political beliefs and many more. Have the tough conversations upfront! Know what you are getting yourself into and know what you are willing to work on to build a relationship. Overall, we cannot be afraid to have discussions and disagreements in a respectful manner with our spouse. No one is capable of reading another person’s mind, so it is only thru communication that you can decide if a person is truly a good fit for you.
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