Five Conversations to have Before You have Sex with Your New Boyfriend
So you have a new boyfriend. He has passed the test and you two are ready to take it to the next level of intimacy. While sex can be an exciting activity to bring couples together, it can also shed light on the holes in your relationship. Here are five conversations to have before having sex.
1. Do you want children?
Two healthy adults, a man and a woman, can make children at anytime. This may sound like a too serious of a question to ask someone you are not expecting to marry. However, it is better to ask the hard questions upfront. Remember, regardless of your feelings toward someone, if you have a child with them, you will be spending the rest of your life with them.
It is also important to inform your partner of your birth control status. Your uterus is your business and it is your right to have complete control over it. However, being open about your birth control status allows you and your partner to make an informed decision.
2. When was the last time you were tested for STDs and what were the results?
This is a vital question! Essentially, you are not only having sex with your boyfriend, but everyone he has had sex with too. Therefore, it is important you know your and his status. The more people you have sex with the higher your chances of acquiring a sexual transmitted disease.
I suggest that people get tested every time they switch sexual partners. According to the Center of Disease Control one should get tested at least once a year. However, if you change sexual partners frequently or have more than one sexual partner you should get screened more often, such as every 3 to 6 months.
3. What is your relationship status and what is our relationship status?
Now this may seem like a no brainer, but just because someone is willing to have sex with you does not mean they are willing to commit to you. Moreover, it does not mean they are able to commit to you. Married people cheat all the time and although, you may ask does not mean you will get an honest answer. Ask the question and also pay attention for red flags.
4. How do you feel about me?
Sex for some people equates to love and for other people it is a recreational activity. Therefore, you will need to discuss your differences and similarities about the meaning of sex and your feeling towards each other. If you are only engaging in recreational sex, you must be able to have adult conversations. While sex can be used to enhance an emotional relationship, it cannot supplement it.
5. How well do we communicate?
Now this is an important question for you not only to ask your partner, but also ask yourself. This is essential because communication is the skill, which will allow your relationship to flourish or decompensate. As your relationship becomes more dynamic, communication will become more complicated. So you must be willing and able not only to have difficult conversations, but also discuss your communication process. Overall you need to be able to communicate with your partner your expectations and any new expectations you may have once you have sex.
Overall, sex can be great when the two parties involved can communicate their expectations, desires and boundaries. Without communication and knowing your own values, sex can become unnecessarily complicated. So if it does not feel right, it is probably is not the right time. Take your time and if he does not want to wait he is not the right one.