The Problem with People Pleasing
Have you ever received a phone call from a friend or family member, which seems to be just like any other call and then they ask, “Hey, what are you doing Tuesday night around 6:43?” You reply, “Nothing.” And this is the moment, when they trap you. “Oh well, can you drive me 30 miles down the road, since you have nothing else to do.” Yes, this is the moment that you had just got, GOT! Somehow you feel taken advantage of and stuck between a rock and a hard place. You want to be nice but you do not, honestly, feel like doing any favors on Tuesday at 6:43pm. But somehow you end up helping this person and feeling all kinds of resentment.
Saying no is difficult for many of us, especially for us women who aim to please and also have been designated as the caregivers for both family and friends. Saying no can often be viewed as mean, inconsiderate or even selfish. This dilemma gets more challenging for us professional, single women who do not have our own families because our peers, who do have families, often view us as having an excess of free time. This misconception can often cause us to be easy prey.
So let’s clear up this misconception. While we do not have our own families, we do have plenty to do. I think it is important to also mention that our not having families is more the result of choice than anything else. Which is normally the point missed by our married peers.
Let’s also clear up the misconceptions of saying no. Saying no is not mean, selfish, or inconsiderate. Saying no is essential to self-preservation and to your own happiness; this is true for everyone. More importantly women should not feel guilty for not agreeing to do something we do not want to do. So here are some tips for saying no:
1. Just say no!
If you do not want to do something you do not need to provide an explanation. This is the short and easy method, but it could potentially ruin a relationship.
Offer an alternative, which is a win-win for both of you.
3. Provide a small explanation.
Say no, but provide the reason why you cannot do it. It does not have to be a long explanation. Actually the shorter and the more straightforward, the better.
4. Do not feel guilty.
Recognize your priorities and how you feel. Use statements such as, “When you ask me ______ it makes me feel like _______.”
5. Be gracious but decline.
“I am flattered that you would ask me but I cannot do this at this time”
So the next time you feel like you are about to be bamboozled with a “What are you doing?” question, ask “Why, do you ask?” or “Is there anything I can help you with?” Think about their request and decide if this is something you want to do. Do not feel pressure because you want to be liked. Instead, think about how much you are going to like yourself, if you keep doing things you do not want to do. Once you decide what to do, do not beat yourself up or become passive aggressive. Recognize your feelings and move on.
If you need help with saying no or understanding your own values and priorities, please contact us at Cupid’s Planner. We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women. Also, do not forget to like us on Facebook and follow us Twitter.