Boyfriend vs Girlfriends

  We all have the friend who gets a new boyfriend and suddenly disappears. They are no longer available for happy hour or a brief phone call.  On the rare occasions when they do come out they always have their man with them, even when it is an all girls’ event. Yes, the way you behave with your girls when you get into a new relationship definitely can be a friendship breaker. If you do not have a friend who has ever done this to you, then you are probably that friend.

When entering a new relationship it can be difficult to balance time spent with friends verses time spent with your new boo. However, having a true balance of time spent with friends, family, at work and with your new boyfriend is vital to being a well-rounded professional woman.       

Why is having a balance important?  It is important because you are essentially devaluing your friendships. It is understandable that you will spend less time with your friends because you are in a relationship.  There is only one of you. Nevertheless, do not forget who was there for you during your last break-up.  By leaving your friends hanging you are virtually telling them, “I only need you when I am down not when I am up”; which could cause your friends to feel used. How would you feel if someone you thought were a true friend only came around when she wanted to cry about a break–up with a man that she dissed you for?

However, I think it is more important to discuss the reasons behind not spending time with your friends when you get a new boyfriend.

1.    Is it because he does not want you to spend time with your friends?  If this is the case -- run!  Separating a woman from her family and friends is a major warning sign for future domestic abuse. Also, please remember domestic abuse can both be emotional and/or physical. (if you feel like you are at risk for domestic abuse or are in a current domestic violence situation please contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233))

2.    Is it because you don’t want to spend time with your friends anymore?  If this is the case, then ask yourself “Why?” How is this one person going to take the place of your many friends?  Over identifying with one of the many roles we play in life is dangerous to our self-esteem, self-image and health.  It is important to know who you are outside of the role of being a girlfriend or wife.  In addition, men prefer women who are confident in whom they are, not, who the woman is in them.

3.    Is it because you feel guilty for spending time with your friends?  If this is the case you should talk with your friends and your man.  Communication is key in these types of situations.  More importantly, there is no rule for how much time you should spend with a person.  It is all about what makes you feel comfortable.  It could be you need time for your friends, time for your boyfriend and time for yourself.  Schedule all these times, that way you can have a balance.

If you are finding it hard to balance work, life, and love please contact Cupid’s Planner. We want to help you have Hassle Free Romance.