Too Confident for My Own Good?

Question: I intimidate my boyfriend because I am too confident. What should I do?


This is a good question and this is a question I have asked myself. This is a question that I hear from many successful, intelligent, and attractive women. So my first thoughts are if a man does not like you for who you are, forget him and go about your business.  Find someone else who is not so easily intimidated.  That is the easy solution to this question.  However, I think this question touches upon a deeper issue, about how to relate with people.

I talked to many different men and they all agreed that confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear.  So I guess the question is, what is it about your brand of confidence, which is pushing men away?  Again, many men agree that they want an attractive, smart and confident woman.  So it can be concluded that these are not only desirable traits but also necessary to snag a man. However, with anything, and this is especially true with confidence and self-esteem, you should date someone who is your equal.  If you are dating someone who is not as confident as you are then it will be easy to dominate or intimidate that person.  So this could be your first problem.  If this is the case and if you have the patience you should help this person build their self-confidence and self-esteem.  If not then you should move on; especially if you do not want to be the dominant one in the relationship.

On the other hand, research indicates that men like to feel needed in relationships. So instead of feeling intimidated your man could be feeling resentful because you are not showing him that you need or even appreciate him.  I know, this may sound archaic.  But just think about it, in any relationship whether it is with friends, co-workers, or family, people like to feel needed and they want to feel as if they can relate to someone.  If a woman is constantly demonstrating through her entire relationship that she does not need a boyfriend, because she can do everything herself, then she should do exactly that and be by herself.  She is no longer demonstrating confidence but instead behaving arrogantly.  There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance.  Overall, people like to feel as if they are in mutual beneficial relationships, not one-sided relationships.  In any type of relationship, people like to feel as if they can equally exchange favors, advice, or shoulders to lean on.  A relationship can quickly become one-sided if one person is “too strong”.

I am not suggesting that you change yourself or that you dumb yourself down. But instead, I am suggesting that you learn when to be vulnerable.  It is okay to be vulnerable when you are in the company of love ones.  Ask yourself this question, “Why do I feel the need to demonstrate to everyone, all the time, that I am capable of taking care of myself?”  I am sure the people who love you, both your friends and boyfriend, know you are capable of taking care of yourself.  This is probably one of the reasons why they love you.  So let them feel special, every now and then, by letting them help their strong, confident and smart friend. 

Do not stop being successful, smart and confident.  A man who is your equal will appreciate this about you, as long as they feel appreciated.  If you are having relationship’s issues contact Cupid’s Planner, we specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of goal oriented and professional women.

“It is not necessary to be strong in every place if in the place you are vulnerable, you are loved.”- Robert Brault


“The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” ― Paulo C