As a sex health coach, I hear women lament all the time about how hard it is to be single. During the holidays, this is an especially popular conversation. Well, it’s hard because we make it that way. Today, let’s talk about masturbation and how it can save your sanity, your body count – and maybe even your life after a breakup.
When you’re used to having on-call or live-in boo, it can be very difficult to go for long periods of time without sex. The first couple of days can be especially hard. You may spend it obsessing and crying over your now ex significant other. The good news is this feeling is only temporary and will subside as quickly as you allow it to. Engaging in masturbation during this time can take the “edge” off as you focus on pleasing yourself, and not being pleased by someone else. Go ahead, release, have an orgasm; let the dopamine dispense into your body and help you stay calm.
Your “Body Count”
Some of us just can’t keep to ourselves. We enjoy the gentle embrace of a pair of warm hands, the intimate company of a special someone and of course – intercourse. Due to this fact, many women will seek rebound refuge in the arms of another, sometimes an undeserving, individual; which often ends up in pointless casual sex. When that “situationship” doesn’t work out – they may attempt to obtain pleasure with someone else. This eventually leads to a rise in “body count,” or number of sexual partners and yes, oral sex counts too.
Let’s be clear – a woman should not be judged by the number of partners she has experienced, frankly, no one has to know. In reality, she puts herself at a higher STD risk with each new “body” she introduces her yoni (aka her vagina) to. Instead of wasting time and precious vaginal fluids on some “rand-o” – pull out your trusty toy or even your two favorite fingers. Explore your own body instead. Within each breakup is an opportunity to discover who you have evolved into sexually and remind yourself what makes you feel good. When you find the right guy – you are going to put it down in the bedroom.
Not having a boyfriend does not equal not having a life. You may feel like you want to crawl up in a hole and disappear, but you will make it through the tough part. It takes two weeks to form a habit. So give your heart and body time to recover and get over your former lover. Take a warm bath, relax, and maybe let your fingers do a little talking; or the shower-head (that’s our little secret). Take a waterproof bullet with you, if you are more comfortable with that, so technically you’re not doing it yourself. Don’t think of it as your life being over – think of it as your system rebooting. Keep your motherboard running, and pretty soon there will be a hot new hard drive waiting to complete your relationship upgrade.
It may seem silly. Many of us (and by us, I mean you. I masturbate.) turn our nose up at masturbating or any form of self-pleasure. However, take a look at all your happy friends. Ask them if they masturbate, then come back and tell me about it. At the end of it all – the worst that can happen is that you end up liking it. All the time you have now spent debating if you should masturbate, then kind of touching yourself, then finally doing it – POW – you’re over him.
But, did you die?
Kimi LeVadge is a sexual health and wellness coach who is dedicated to educating the world on sex and sexuality, disease and prevention. She can be found twiddling her thumbs at her blog – VforVadge.com. She is available to answer your sex questions or just chat. Just consider her the Mary Poppins of vagina. Contact@vforvadge.com and connect with us on our social media Facebook Instagram Twitter