In a Relationship Does One Person Always Love Harder?

I was talking to my girlfriend the other day and she was talking about men problems.  She has been married for about four years now and things are not going as smooth as she hoped.  She complained about his messiness, clingy-ness, how he couldn’t communicate, how his mother got on her nerves, how long he took showers in the morning, the smell of his after-shave, and the type of T.V. shows he liked.  The list went on and on.

So I asked her, “Wow, it just sounds like you are irritable and picking at him. What is so different about him now that you are married?”

She replied, “Nothing, I just realize how much I do not want to be married.  I was in love with the idea of being in love, not him.”

Like Whoo

Me: “So are you going to get a divorce?”

Her: “No, but if he ever wants to leave me I definitely won’t try to stop him.”


Me: “ You don’t love him anymore?”

Her: “I love him but not as much as he loves me. You know?  In a relationship there is always someone who loves the other person more?  Love is not equal.  There is always one person who wants the relationship more.”

Me: “umph” as I sip my drink

As we finished up our girl talk, I was surprised by her honesty and insight.  I never saw her so raw but I wondered is that true – does one person always want the relationship more than the other?  Is this healthy?  Is she being selfish?”

Well, I decided that as her friend and not her coach or therapist that it was not my job to tell her my opinions.  She did not want to hear what I thought or what I would do she just wanted to talk.  So I listened but I did advise her to be careful and considerate.  She has someone heart in her hands.

So what do you think?

Does someone always want the relationship more than the other?

Is this healthy for a relationship?

Is love always equal?

Is she in an ideal situation for a woman?