How Important is Chemistry in Dating?

Question: “ I have met a nice guy and he is perfect on paper but there is no chemistry.  What should I do? How long should I wait to see if the chemistry will come?”



Thank you for writing us.  While chemistry is important, I do not think it is the most important aspect of a relationship.  I think sometimes we watch movies and develop fantasies about having an instant attraction and a magical windfall of love in our relationships.  While this is nice, relationships are hard work.  Relationships require two dedicated people to be honest, communicate and compassionate with each other.   

Chemistry may make you feel warm and fuzzy but chemistry does not return your calls, does not treat you like a queen, does not endure disagreements, and does not show interest in your interest.   Chemistry will make you feel warm, fuzzy, horny, sexy, and desired for a short period of time, but it does not last forever.

We have to look beyond the surface and into qualities, which will make a lasting healthy relationship.  If he treats you with respect, if he returns your calls, if he does not stand you up and shows interest in getting to know you, give him a chance.  Consistency, reliability and trustworthiness are more important than chemistry.

You did not mention how many dates you have had with him, but if this is the first date rest assured that first dates are daunting for everyone involved.  Nevertheless, while chemistry may not be the most important aspect in a relationship, it does have an impact on a relationship.  So if this is your 4th or 5th date with him and you still have not felt the chemistry, maybe it is best that you just remain friends.  You cannot force something that is not meant to be.  Chemistry can develop over time but it cannot be forced.

Best of luck to you and follow your heart.  Stay true to your desires and who you are.  If you need more help understanding your dating dilemmas contact us to learn more about our relationship coaching and intimacy coaching services.  We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.