Compromise, many people will say is vital for relationships. Many would even say without compromise a relationship will not survive. I say, “It depends. It depends on what you are compromising on and how it important is it to you.”
So I met up with a friend. He is intelligent, handsome, hard worker and can carry a decent conversation and makes me laugh. On the surface, he has long-term potential. On our third date, he mentioned that I cuss too much and that when I cuss it “offends him”. He then asked me not to cuss around him and that if I wanted to continue to see him, I would need to stop cussing.
Well, while I like a man who knows what they want, I do not like having my back pushed up against the wall. I did not know whom he thought he was talking to, but if he thought I cussed a lot before he was about to see Da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa. However, I stopped and I thought about it. He meets my top-ten-list, so maybe I could give up cussing for the possibility of having someone around for the long-term. He may be worth it. Is cussing that important to me?
No, cussing is not that important to me but it is part of my self-expression. I recognize there is a time and place for everything. Nevertheless, I think I should be free to be me around my significant other. When I am with my man, that is the last place, I want to worry about opinions. In fact, when I am with my man, I do not want any worries about whether or not he likes me. I want to be confident that he not only likes me for being me, but also welcomes me into his life.
So I explained this to him and he said, “Well relationships are full of compromise and I am willing to compromise for you.” It was a sweet and honest answer. He even asked me if there was anything I would like for him to change. I thought about it and there was nothing. It was only the third date and I was still getting to know him. I did not feel like we knew each other well enough to try to change each other. So I told him, “I do not think I am the girl for you. Relationships are full of compromise. However, you have to know what to compromise on and I am not willing to compromise in any area with regards to how I express myself. If cussing offends you, I can assure you that is the least of your worries when entering a relationship with me. I am a woman who knows what I want, will work to get it and I will always let you know how I feel. So if you are having problems this early, we can call it quits now.”
He started to back paddle a bit, but remain steadfast that cussing was offensive to most people. Which is neither here nor there to me. I believe in a freedom of speech, a freedom of self-expression and freedom to be you. Even, if I do not agree with you or find you offensive, I believe you have a right to be you.
There are some things I am willing to compromise on. However, I am not willing to compromise on my form of self-expression, my spirituality, my family, my friends, my self-worth, my self-respect, my integrity, my dreams or my aspirations. These are important to me. Most importantly, I am not willing to compromise on being in a relationship with someone who does not accept me for who I am. It is important as women that we are aware of what we compromise on. So we will not loose our identities and ourselves in our men and the relationships we enter into.
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Is cussing offensive to you?
Is it un-lady like for a woman to cuss?
What are you not willing to compromise on?
What are you willing to compromise on?