How Much Should You Compromise in a Relationship?

Compromise, many people will say is vital for relationships.  Many would even say without compromise a relationship will not survive.  I say, “It depends. It depends on what you are compromising on and how it important is it to you.” 

So I met up with a friend.  He is intelligent, handsome, hard worker and can carry a decent conversation and makes me laugh.  On the surface, he has long-term potential.  On our third date, he mentioned that I cuss too much and that when I cuss it “offends him”.  He then asked me not to cuss around him and that if I wanted to continue to see him, I would need to stop cussing.

Well, while I like a man who knows what they want, I do not like having my back pushed up against the wall.  I did not know whom he thought he was talking to, but if he thought I cussed a lot before he was about to see Da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa.  However, I stopped and I thought about it.  He meets my top-ten-list, so maybe I could give up cussing for the possibility of having someone around for the long-term.  He may be worth it.  Is cussing that important to me?

No, cussing is not that important to me but it is part of my self-expression.  I recognize there is a time and place for everything.  Nevertheless, I think I should be free to be me around my significant other.  When I am with my man, that is the last place, I want to worry about opinions.  In fact, when I am with my man, I do not want any worries about whether or not he likes me.  I want to be confident that he not only likes me for being me, but also welcomes me into his life.

So I explained this to him and he said, “Well relationships are full of compromise and I am willing to compromise for you.”  It was a sweet and honest answer.  He even asked me if there was anything I would like for him to change.  I thought about it and there was nothing.  It was only the third date and I was still getting to know him.  I did not feel like we knew each other well enough to try to change each other.  So I told him, “I do not think I am the girl for you.  Relationships are full of compromise.  However, you have to know what to compromise on and I am not willing to compromise in any area with regards to how I express myself.  If cussing offends you, I can assure you that is the least of your worries when entering a relationship with me.  I am a woman who knows what I want, will work to get it and I will always let you know how I feel.  So if you are having problems this early, we can call it quits now.” 

He started to back paddle a bit, but remain steadfast that cussing was offensive to most people.  Which is neither here nor there to me.  I believe in a freedom of speech, a freedom of self-expression and freedom to be you.  Even, if I do not agree with you or find you offensive, I believe you have a right to be you.

There are some things I am willing to compromise on.  However, I am not willing to compromise on my form of self-expression, my spirituality, my family, my friends, my self-worth, my self-respect, my integrity, my dreams or my aspirations.  These are important to me.  Most importantly, I am not willing to compromise on being in a relationship with someone who does not accept me for who I am. It is important as women that we are aware of what we compromise on.  So we will not loose our identities and ourselves in our men and the relationships we enter into.  

If you need help understanding your dating dilemmas and obstacles contact Cupid’s Planner to learn more about our relationship coaching and intimacy coaching services.  We specialize in the empowerment and sexual freedom of women.



Is cussing offensive to you?

Is it un-lady like for a woman to cuss?

What are you not willing to compromise on?

What are you willing to compromise on?