Should Date Mr. Right Now or Wait?

Three Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine if this is just a Short-Term Relationship

Well my first instinct to this question would be no, why waste your time?!  However, a more appropriate response is it depends.

We all have been there, we meet a nice guy and he checks most of our boxes, but he is just not quite there yet.  He is the guy who meets your immediate needs, but he is not the guy for your long-term needs.  So, you could wait for him to progress and hopefully he will meet your standards; or you could just enjoy the ride and keep your options open; or you could completely dissolve the relationship.  Decisions, we all have to make them and relationship decisions will be amongst the hardest decisions you will have to make.

Well before you decide what to do with your relationship, you should consider the following:

1.     Does he treat you respectfully and kindly?  This is the most important.  There is no such thing as a short-term relationship with an abuser, because they are the ones who are ultimately in control of the relationship.  If you find yourself with someone, who does not treat you with dignity or respect, drop him fast.  There is no amount of loneliness necessary for you to tolerate maltreatment.  Moreover, respect and dignity is the basics for all relationships.  Do not become flattered by someone treating you by your God given right.

2.     What part of your future does he not match with? Is it a religious reason, occupational reason, monetary reason, or a lifestyle reason.  Once you determine your reason(s) than you must determine if this is something that can be changed.  Remember you can influence someone’s decision, but you can’t change anyone in this world.  The only person you can change is  yourself.  Moreover change is only genuine and when it is done willingly and not due to pressure.

3.     What is your timeline?  Of course life does not happen as we plan, but if you are 40 and want kids than you probably should not consider dating someone who does not meet your long-term goals.  However, if you are 19 years old and still do not know what you want to do with the rest of your life, you have a little more of flex time. 

The decision process for determining if someone is long-term or short-term potential can be disheartening.  All relationships in the beginning are fun and filled with excitement.  You are getting to know the other person and making yourself vulnerable, so they can get to know you.  The get to know you phase of the relationship is often times the most exhilarating phase of a relationship.  So it is easy to get blinded by the potential windfall of everlasting love; however, your heart will tell you the truth.  Love does not need any reason or rhyme.  It just needs two committed, understanding and loving people working towards the same goal.

Nevertheless, you need to protect yourself at the same time, while deciding if someone is love worthy.  It would be foolish for me to tell you to love blindly.  When self-preservation is at the core of every human.  Love is a double-edged sword.  It can be the most heartwarming experience or the most heartbreaking experience. Pay attention to red flags and make sure you are putting your needs first.  You are just dating; you are not married, therefore, you do not need to put the needs of your relationship ahead of your own.  Even when you are married you must make sure both parties are putting the needs of the relationship before their own.  Many women get the short end of the stick, because they are the only ones fighting for their relationship.

Overall, what I think is most important is that you are true to yourself.  Relationships are emotionally and physically demanding, so I advise you choose who you spend your time with carefully.  I personally rather invest in a long-term relationship than a short-term relationship, because of the cost and benefit ratio.  Nonetheless, although you may suspect someone to be long-term potential does not necessarily mean they will be in your life for a lifetime.  Therefore, it is important that you always treat people kindly, respectfully, and honestly.  Karma has a weird way of coming back to us.  So just make sure the person you are dating is on the same page as you and that you are not leading him on.  Have fun and enjoy the moment, for we are not guaranteed any minute than the minute we are currently in.

If you need help understanding your dating dilemmas contact Cupid’s Planner we specialize in the self-care and sexual freedom of women.  Also do not forget to like us on Facebook and to follow us on Twitter